Thoughts ?!

It has been quite some time since I posted anything publicly. I could not make up my mind if it were the right time to show or express for any occasion or what had I painted or how finally after months we were out from sub-zero temperatures here or how the beginning of spring had started to look like. Trust me, spring, or temperatures somewhere around 15C is a big reason for me now because I had just been seeing grey skies, snow, sleet and rainfall, and trees without leaves or the same colored dull and heavy winter clothes around. It felt almost cruel and uncalled for to post things over social media when people at large are struggling with basic facilities in few parts of the world and especially back home. As a reader/consumer of information, I was, and I still am furious with how things are being managed wrt pandemic. It is not okay for people to look for themselves to arrange for medicines, beds, oxygen, or get treatment. Agreed the world is facing challenges as to how to deal with this but once when you have been hit by the storm you prepare yourself for the next one. And it makes more sense to be watchful and have things in order when you have the data to show how other countries have faced the crisis. And above all, it is NOT ok to tell the people: this too shall pass or how to remain calm and positive. People have every right to cry, complain and grieve. There is no way you can replace the loss of a loved one.

Personally, I had made a conscious decision to not share or be vocal about my opinion on so many things, SO many, that have been very bothersome. Be it the pathetic and/or lack of public health system in India, the misplaced priorities, the absence of acknowledgment, sense of security for people who are dealing with it day in and out, the spineless leaders and their hollow talks and for not being held accountable, the unscientific temperament, the circulation of wrong information, the exploitation of people by people, slow rate of vaccination in Germany (my host country), the never-ending ‘soft’ lockdown here, the fact that I cannot meet more than one person outside of my house, that the only shops opened for us here are the grocery shops since November, the fact that we have to check for rules each week if there is night time curfew or not or if we need a negative test to enter some of the other shops that might have opened because of the incidence rate is low and much more. Not a day has passed when I have not discussed these things with a few of my friends or family.

And on top of that, I have had a range of emotions accompanying these thoughts. I have been annoyed, irked, and irritated by looking at people for behaving stupidly, for being part of the gatherings for whatsoever reasons- participating in mass religious rituals, political gatherings, malls opened to shoppers and weddings welcoming guests all alike and me not being able to fly back home in the longest time because apparently, it is these few ignorant people multiplied times thousand who ultimately get to decide on my behalf my travel itinerary; I have been furious at the leaders and their passing the buck attitude and for them keeping mum on the issues that matter the most; I have felt grateful with a tinge of shame when people here my flatmate, former flatmates, colleagues at work had asked me if my family was ok? Even the doctor whom I had to visit had asked me very sympathetically "don't mind me asking but why is it so important to take a dip in Ganges and why has the govt. not imposed an emergency lockdown if the people themselves cannot practice social distancing?" One side of me wanted to defend by saying that in a country like India where we have daily wage laborers and a big unorganized sector, imposing a lockdown will result in a downward spiral for the economy to having admit that the crisis we are in is self-inflicted. Many countries have engaged in wishful thinking during the pandemic; all have struggled to fight the virus while avoiding economic collapse. I have felt hopeless and prayed for common sense to prevail when few people compare the cases in India and other countries and then justify that ‘’oh! ours is a huge population’’; I’ve been worried for my family and my friends who face issues in getting access to other medical facilities because our health infrastructure if not already has collapsed; I’ve been amazed at the resilience of people, how they have stood up for themselves when they were abandoned by their government, how people have been helping, donating the little whatsoever they can to amplifying the SOS requests or to even verifying the authentic information; I’ve been moved by the acts of kindness and humility; I’ve felt reassured when strangers have helped each other or when I have been helped. Ultimately, in the deepest crisis, we have always fought back, and we are doing it now!

But why do I decide to post it now? Well, to put it blatantly when people have the audacity to put shit tons of nonsense I think for once it is acceptable for me to put out ‘something’ that I can assure is not false, harmful, or biased. I feel happy when I read something informative or funny or satirical; I have a smile on my face when I read a short post or a story or a small narrative or see a beautiful picture of a landscape or animals or see an interesting vlog or hear nice music. I know there are at least a few people who do not mind reading or seeing stuff that I have to share. No matter if this sounds like a rant or no matter how trivial the thing might be they will text me and let me know how they have wanted me to write! I hope that if you read this (well, if you have read thus far, you might be curious to see it till the end) you would be able to relate to some part of it if not entirely and that you find the courage to do things that brings a sense of peace, normalcy or happiness (in no particular order.)

PS. Please refrain from spreading misinformation. That is the least we can do to help each other. And to not have a take or opinion on everything is perfectly ok. Mask Up. And get vaccinated if you are eligible. Peace Out ~